1. Create Emotional Safety Through Warmth & Consistency

Studies show daughters with warm, supportive fathers have lower baseline stress and calmer cortisol responses during conflict. Your steadiness becomes her nervous system’s steadiness.

Try this:
End each day with a moment of connection: a check‑in, a hug, a shared ritual.

2. Be Present in a Way She Can Feel

Father presence isn’t just physical. Research defines it as a psychological experience. She needs to feel seen, supported, and valued by YOU. Your presence predicts higher resilience, stronger achievement goals, and better emotional regulation.

Try this:
When she talks, stop what you’re doing. Look at her. Listen fully.

3. Support Her Autonomy – Don’t Control It

Daughters who experience autonomy support from their fathers show lower stress reactivity and greater confidence in social situations. She learns to trust herself because you trust her.

Try this:
Ask more questions than you give answers.
“What do you think?”
“How would you handle it?”

4. Model Calm in Conflict

Research shows daughters with chaotic or coercive father relationships have higher cortisol spikes during peer conflict and are more likely to ruminate. Your emotional regulation becomes her template.

Try this:
When tension rises, slow your breathing and speak softly.
You’re teaching her how to navigate hard conversations.

5. Build Her Psychological Security

In a study of 718 girls, psychological security explained nearly 40% of their resilience. Furthermore, father presence was one of the strongest predictors of that security. When she feels safe with you, she becomes safer within herself.

Try this:
Affirm her effort, her courage, her character, not just her achievements.

References:

Byrd-Craven, J., Auer, B. J., Granger, D. A., & Massey, A. R. (2012). The father–daughter dance: The relationship between father–daughter relationship quality and daughters’ stress response. Journal of Family psychology, 26(1), 87.

Krampe, E. M., & Newton, R. R. (2006). The father presence questionnaire: A new measure of the subjective experience of being fathered. Fathering: A Journal of Theory, Research & Practice about Men as Fathers, 4(2).

Zhou, J., Wei, X., & Xue, L. (2024). Father presence, adolescent girls’ resilience, psychological security, and achievement goal orientation: Examining direct and indirect associations. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1403403.

I love this time of year – the lights, the comfort food, the focus on serving others, the gift giving, ski season. If we allow it, this time of year helps us reset, prioritize, and reflect on what truly matters. I read the following article last week just before my family and I went to the mall to experience holiday shopping.

As we were walking around, looking at all the “stuff”, I couldn’t help but think about what Christmas would have been like 100 years ago. What were the top gifts that everyone had to have? What were the biggest designer trends? It was the height of the Roaring ‘20s, with the Great Depression still a few years away. World War I had recently ended.

Now, think about life 100 years from now. What trends will define that era? Which gifts will capture attention? What political and economic landscapes will shape daily life? It’s anybody’s guess. My point is the gifts that feel so exciting now won’t matter in 6 months. In fact, the dopamine rush we get from unwrapping presents often fades the moment the last ribbon is pulled. We’ll then be left wondering why we focused so much on all this stuff.

This year, let’s focus on giving our most valuable gift possible – the gift of time. Give your family a meaningful experience, something impactful throughout the year. Not just on Christmas Day. When I was a graduate student at BYU, I worked with Ramon Zabriskie (he’s an amazing fly fisherman, by the way). He and Bryan McCormick developed the Family Leisure Functioning Model.

Their model suggests family leisure isn’t just about fun, it is foundational to strong relationships and healthy family functioning. They determined that families need both core and balance leisure activities. Core leisure activities are routine, low‑cost, and accessible (e.g., family meals, walks, board games). These activities provide stability and foster family cohesion. On the other hand, balance leisure activities are less frequent, novel, and often more complex (e.g., vacations, special outings) and provide variety to help families develop adaptability.

As we step into this season, let’s give the gifts that matter most – shared meals, laughter on snowy trails, adventures that stretch us, and quiet rituals that anchor us. When we choose to give our time and presence, we invest in the kind of legacy that endures far beyond trends or toys. This Christmas, may we trade the fleeting thrill of “stuff” for experiences that strengthen our families. These deepen our connections and remind us what really matters.

The Twinkie Problem

Remember Twinkies? Those cream filled vanilla cakes that seem to last forever? I used to say that Twinkies and cockroaches would be the only thing to last through a nuclear attack. Sure, they were a delicious snack for some of us and after eating a few of them may fill our belly. However, they are so heavily processed there’s very little nutritional value – basically, empty calories. If we were to only eat Twinkies for the next week, our bodies would be starved for critical nutrients. And if we ate them for a longer period, I’m sure we would transform into a well-preserved, atomic proof human – on second thought, maybe I should eat them more often.

The Empty Calories of Modern Life

All joking aside, how often are we as men filling our time with things that don’t matter? It is so easy to live day-to-day, self-medicating through our metaphorical Twinkies. These include the dead scroll on social media, binge-watching our favorite shows, working too much, and losing sight of what’s important. The challenges of life often drive us to look for quick and easy hits of dopamine. These help us feel better about our situation, when in reality, that’s the last thing we need.

Choosing What Actually Nourishes You

Instead, we should turn to bettering ourselves and building something that will last. What is the legacy you want to leave behind? Sure, it will take some effort, but anything worth doing in life will require some sacrifice on your end. You only have one life. This is your shot. How are you living? Are you just going through the motions, or are you living intentionally? Sure, it’s ok to relax and take a few minutes to watch your favorite show, or scroll through social media. But are you intentional about it?

Your Time Won’t Last Forever

Here’s the truth: Twinkies may last forever, but your time won’t. Each day is a chance to choose growth over distraction, connection over isolation, and purpose over passivity. The legacy you leave will be shaped not by the empty calories of convenience, but by the intentional steps you take toward meaning.

Rediscover who you are and live with intention.

The Scars Left Behind

On the northern bank of the Colorado River near my hometown of Moab, Utah, there used to be a massive tailings pile. In the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, long before tourism transformed the town, Moab was a mining community. Its main product – uranium. The mining company would extract the valuable mineral from the earth, then discard the remaining refuse into a growing mound. Over time, this became known simply as the tailings pile.

What Extraction Leaves in Its Wake

In recent years, the pile has been removed, but the land still bears the scars of extraction – a wide, open space where something precious was taken and the remnants left behind. To truly heal, we must live with intention, focusing on personal restoration.

This Isn’t About Mining – It’s About Us

This post isn’t about the virtues or vices of mining. It’s about us – about society, and the way life shapes us.

The Gifts We’re Given – and the Ones We Bury

When we’re born, we arrive with a unique set of gifts and talents. As we grow, experiences help us develop those gifts, but we also encounter voices telling us we’re not good enough, our talents are inconvenient, or that they don’t matter. Over time, we learn to sort our gifts into categories: the ones that are celebrated, and the ones that are dismissed.

Realizing What’s Been Taken From Us

In our 30s, 40s, or 50s, many of us begin to realize that some of our most valuable resources – our gifts, our passions, our talents – have been extracted. To counteract this, we must intentionally reclaim our strengths. The daily grind, the expectations of others, and the weight of responsibility slowly degrade us. What remains is a shell of what we once were, like a pile of used dirt. We look at ourselves and wonder: What happened to the person I used to be? Why am I not the husband, father, provider, or leader I thought I would become?

The Cost of Living the Wrong Story

The life we’ve been told to live often leaves us empty, desperate, anxious, and depressed.

Scars Aren’t the End – They’re the Beginning

But here’s the truth: the scars don’t have to be the end of the story.

Reclaiming What’s Yours

The land by the Colorado River will heal, and so can we. Our scars are not signs of defeat, but reminders that we are still here, still capable of growth, still able to leave a legacy. Imagine the impact if every father reclaimed his gifts, lived with intention, and passed that strength on to his children. The future is not written in the scars of extraction – it is written in the courage to rebuild. Let’s rise, together, and live the life we were designed to live.